Saturday September 9, 2017
By: Fayza Taha Yassin
Single mothers are often viewed by the society as culprits destroying their marriages and their children’s sense of family and stability. However, from experience, the opposite is true. Some single Moms actually choose to become single to save what is left of their mental health and stability and their children’s sense of security.
The moment a woman signs that paper binding her to the partner she loved, trusted her life and the life of her future children with, is the moment she steps out of her fantasy world and faces reality. It’s the moment she sets her gears to build together the little world she always wanted. Unfortunately, no matter how well a woman plans for this new life, how much she believes she knows what she needs, or how much she thinks she knows her partner; life is not always “rosy”.
For me, I knew exactly what I wanted in a life partner. I wanted a strong, decisive, successful, protective (not overprotective), partially jealous (just enough to show he cares), loving and caring man who would understand and support my dreams and needs. I wanted a ‘backbone’ not an ATM.
From my experience, I realized that many people have two faces. Marriages fail because more often we avoid the face we do not like and keep looking at the one we fell in love with. Unfortunately, I just wanted to look at the face I fell in love with. I gave him the role of being that man I was looking for. However, life doesn’t always go as planned. When that happens, women have other plans ready, especially when there are children involved and being with the wrong partner, definitely has a negative effect on them.
At this point, the maternal instinct prevails in females. This is when a woman has to make a hard decision without seeming selfish. People may think she probably wants a way out of this marriage and is just using the child as an excuse. I know many people who think this way in our society. These people judge without even understanding how hard it is to just walk away. After the divorce, there are always moments of regret. But then a woman remembers the hate and resentment shared with her partner and realizes that terminating this marriage was the best decision she made as a parent.
The mother is where life starts. When my baby was growing inside me, I started to know all about his fears and insecurities, and what made him happy and comfortable. I know the sound of his heartbeat better than anyone else. So, I knew that my baby wasn’t going to survive this marriage. There are many women who share my thoughts, but are fearful to make this decision. When I shared my decision with my Egyptian female family members, they tried to deter me; mostly for financial reasons, but also because they believed that my baby wouldn’t grow up to become a normal person without a father figure in his life. There are plenty of women who wanted the fathers to take part in parenting their children, but they simply refused to do so. It makes me sad to think how parents use their children as a power game against their partners.
The worst part is that many people believe that the mothers are the ones at fault. It is important for all mothers not to let such false assumptions and beliefs affect their decisions. Mothers have to believe in themselves and that they made the right decision for their children.
It’s important for the single Moms to believe they are not at fault and focus on their mommy time with their children instead of blaming themselves for the failure of their marriages. It’s also important to understand that you’re a not a failure because your marriage failed. You just didn’t have clarity at the moment you fell in love with the wrong man. Someday you’ll find that right man who will cherish you and your child. I know there will be people judging your decisions and I know that these same people think you’ve lost your worth as a woman but they are wrong! Once you became a mom, you are crowned the “queen” of the next generation!
As for the those in our Egyptian society who think otherwise, I hope one day they will realize that single Moms are strong, brave, smart and hardworking women.
And to all my fellow single Moms: I salute you. I know you made a hard choice, but better days are yet to come.
Edited by May Allam
Photos copied from the Internet – All copyrights to their respective owners
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